Don’t Eat Money!

I know. I just finished saying I’m not telling you what to do. But I’m making an exception today. I’m not sure how I missed this trend, but apparently, people are eating gold. Yes, actual gold. In food. What’s even more fascinating to me is that I came across this trend in the healthcare sphere where people were questioning if eating gold was safe. Pfffffffffttttt (that was my tap water blasting out of my mouth dramatically). Come again? Is eating gold safe? WHY IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?! (yes, I’m yelling)

Of course I had to look up some edible gold immediately. I thought maybe I would come across a couple of options. There are hundreds! My absolute favorite option is this imitation caviar called “Angel Tears.” (Imitation caviar? Oh, and I definitely have always wanted to taste the tears of an angel. You know what’s making that angel cry? You. Eating its tears!)

Angel Tears

If you choose not to go full Angel Tears in your gold eating, you can get gold flakes in burgers, on chocolate bacon, cakes, wine… you name it. Add gold. It’s available. You can even buy a $1000 bagel with gold at the Westin in New York. Don’t worry It’s whole wheat. And if you want sushi served with edible gold and topped with pearls and a diamond, that’s also available for just under $2,000 (what a steal!).

If you are reading this blog, I assume you are not eating gold (unless Google led you here because you wonder if eating gold is safe. If that’s you… I’m going to say no. And that I think you’re foolish. And that’s putting it kindly). But we’re all guilty of eating money (yup, me too!).

Only slightly less horrifying is the fact that bottled water is a nearly-$19 billion industry. If you don’t have safe tap water, fine. I’m not pointing at you. But the rest of you. Yes you. And you. Remember tap water? It comes out of your sink. (Granted, I do not live in a place with bad tasting water. Alaska’s tap water is glacial. And delicious.) Do you know what you get from eating gold or drinking bottled water? Expensive excrement! (and your toilet will feel fancy!)

Along the same (horrible for the environment) lines are prepackaged serving sizes. Pre-cut apples in tiny plastic bags. They’re the same apples, but cut and put into an individual bag doubles the price. (Those ones even taste terrible.) Public shaming: we currently have individual sized hummus containers in our fridge. We’re eating that money! (“Get it together, Maggie!”)

Eating out without thinking is also eating money. I went out to eat with my parents recently last minute to a restaurant we were driving by. As I was eating the pasta, I thought “I consistently make better food than this.” I ate that money. Sure, I didn’t have to make it, but since we rarely eat out, I choose only to go to places that can make better food than I can or things that would take me an exorbitant amount of time to make. If I’m going to pay someone to cook for me, they better earn it!

Bottled water, individual packaging, and bad restaurants are not nearly as bad as literally shoving gold down your throat. (If you’re still doing that, stop. And yes, I’m telling you what to do.) But I would like to not flush any money down the toilet (pun intended).

How else do we eat our money?

dessert

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14 Comments

  1. J

    Junk food! This is how I eat my money. Before my brother and I decided to follow and fit and healthy way, we spent more money on junk than on good food. We only realised this after we made the change in the way we eat. We cut our grocery bill in half after we stopped buying a lot of junk food. I still eat them (I can’t say no to Doritos, I’m sorry) but only in moderation.

    I agree with bottled water, it’s a total rip-off and doesn’t help the environment either. I grew up in the Philippines, where we weren’t blessed with clean drinking water and moving here made me appreciate tap water greatly.

    • MaggieBanks

      That’s a great example J! I consider my Trader Joe’s brownies a bit sacred, so I guess I wasn’t including them. 🙂

  2. Have you heard of people who eat gold hamburgers? The “lettuce” is made of gold.
    Honestly, I find that quite disgusting. Do these people seriously have nothing better to do with their money than eat it? I don’t see how eating gold is a status symbol.

    • MaggieBanks

      Eww. I wonder what the consistency of gold lettuce is. Does it crunch? Such a weird trend.

  3. People eat gold!? That is the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.

    I completely agree about bottled water and small packages of goods. The one place I struggle with small packages is on less healthy food. Even though it costs more, sometimes I need to get the small bags of snack foods so that I don’t eat the big bag all in one sitting!!

    • MaggieBanks

      Rationing is a good use for that food. I try not to buy any kinds of junk food (which has led me to baking elaborate delicious treats… which is much less costly but I think maybe way worse for my health!). 🙂

  4. :::guiltily raises hand::: Before we got our act together, we for sure ate a few gold flakes on fancy desserts at fancy dinners. And in truth, we wouldn’t trade those experiences! We love our memories from our baller days, though we wouldn’t go back, because we love our new future vision more. 🙂 And, in our case, since we have at times been guilty of feeling some FOMO, we love knowing that we’ve been there, done that with regard to fancy dining, and we won’t ever wonder what we’re missing out on in our frugal future.

    BUT, I am so totally with you on the bottled water and individually wrapped everything! It’s so easy to carry a water bottle with you! And to package your own food! And as for tap water, even the most expensive filter like the one we have (http://www.amazon.com/Berkey-BK4X2-BB-Drinking-Filtration-Filters/dp/B00BWIX1EQ) quickly pays for itself compared to bottled water, and contributes far less to the landfill.

    • MaggieBanks

      Ha ha ha! I hope you took pictures! I feel so poor! No one ever offered me gold on a plate to eat!

  5. Oh my goodness – $2,000 sushi with gold flake & pearls?! Craziness! If only someone would have saved or invested that $2,000. 😉 I am very grateful to live in the state of Oregon were tap water is delicious, and bulk bin shopping is encouraged. It makes it feasible to not eat money when communities encourage these things! Oftentimes to curb the appeal of eating out on weekends, we will save our grocery shopping for Friday nights and pick exactly which meal we would like to make. Then we recognize the fraction of the cost a delicious homemade meal is in comparison to going out! Great post!

    • MaggieBanks

      Seriously on the sushi! I also agree that tap water in Oregon is delicious. Meal planning is a big deal around here. Everyone in the family gets to put on meal on the calendar… so it’s like always going out to dinner because everyone gets to pick a favorite food every month! (My kids always pick nachos.) It’s a pleasure to have you visit my corner, Alyssa. Big fan.

  6. The major thing that annoys me about this eating gold trend is that it’s hugely bad for the environment, not to mention wasteful. Some poor, basically indentured, person somewhere mined that gold. A whole ecosystem was destroyed to find and process it, and then some idiot wants to eat it (or drink it!). It ends up in the toilet, where it eventually reaches the sea, to be lost and probably never returned to mankind.

    It’s like cradle-to-grave consumerism gone insane!!

    • MaggieBanks

      I love that perspective! “Cradle-to-grave consumerism gone insane!” You’re awesome. There’s nothing sustainable about eating gold at all! For culture, the environment, your health, or your finances!

  7. I love Angel Tears, but they’re nothing compared to Unicorn Tears! Even more rare and spendier! Lol
    I may have had desserts with gold flake on it, and let’s not forget Goldschlager, mmmmm, cinnamon liquor with gold flakes floating in it!
    I totally agree about restaurants though. I want to get something I can’t make better at home when eating out and having worked in the food industry for ~8yrs I have high standards. When they’re not met I feel like I just wasted money. At least we know we can cook well though, right? 🙂

    • MaggieBanks

      Unicorn tears! Hilarious. Being in the food industry, you have a good excuse to say “this isn’t better than I can do.” I always feel kind of pompous thinking that, but it’s true! The worst meal I ever had was in a little Alaskan bush village that was literally the only restaurant for at least 100 miles. My kids were starving and we had to stop to eat. I took a picture of it, it looked so inedible! At least in that scenario, we didn’t have a better option.

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